Trailer 34 news agency reported today that Mayor Andrew Milford wrestled an assailant to the ground to stave off a second assassination attempt in two years. “The inauguration will go on,” the mayor said, in a press conference shortly after the incident.
The assailant, a long term feline advocate according to reports from the Mayor’s Office, was suffering from mental duress upon hearing the rumor that Mayor Milford was planning to re-instate the Cat Tax, a tax which for years was Trailer Park, New York’s primary source of revenue.
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